Diane Figley's Home Page
The Golden Rule and Listening
Tonight was a very good night. As Rob and I drove home after a wedding rehearsal and dinner, we talked about being used by the Lord. I listened tonight to the Lord, something that I can honestly say does not always happen. But tonight, I listened as he spoke in my ear and nudged me to share with the others we were gathered with. We are not always able to accept each invitation we get to attend the rehearsal dinners. It just is not possible, and it has no reflection on our feelings towards any of our couples. But to be honest, I do work Monday through Friday and with this ministry that we have been so blessed with, some nights I just want to come home. That is not an excuse, but I am thankful that we took the time to accept tonight’s.
I’ll explain more about this later, but I want to shift to another ceremony of a very different kind we attended last Saturday. One of our brides (yes, we feel such pride for each of them) lost her eight-year battle with cancer, and we were invited to attend her memorial ceremony.
To be honest, Peg and Rick have been married over thirty years. But a few years back we met Peg at another wedding we were doing, and she had a wish to renew her wedding vows with her husband. Back when they were married, they had made a choice to a very small wedding, and not even their parents had attended. It was not until years later, that while Peg and Rick had thought they had spared their families some form of embarrassment, for this was neither of theirs first marriages, that they found out the parents had truly wanted to be there.
So, for many years Peg waited and waited for that right moment to re-commitment themselves to each other, in front of their parents, children grandchildren and friends. I think this was something that Rick had not given much thought about, and kinda went along with it because Peg wanted it. But come that wonderful Saturday, September 28, 2002 at the Kalama Horse Camp that they had helped build with their own hands, we gathered there, to honor them, love and family.
Last Saturday, at Peg’s memorial service, I listened as person after person spoke of the Peg I knew about in the basics, I knew she and Rick had been married for 30+ years, I knew she had three beautiful daughters that she loved deeply, and the son-in-laws, and the grandchildren…
But then I learned. I learned that she lived by the Golden Rule, treat others as you would treat yourself. I learned she taught, lived and practiced that Rule in everything she did, be it working tirelessly on different fundraisers, to working side by side others in building a horse camp.
She scuba dived, she would be a partner to others, and if they didn’t want to dive as deep as Peg could have, she stayed with them, at their comfort level. She fought cancer, every way she could.
She was frugal, learned how to waste little, I believe I hear a funny story about pickled sea urchin or something close to that. She loved Rick; she loved him like no one else ever had. She had taken up painting. She had loved car rally’s, getting the gruffest driver to smile eventually… But above all else, she believed, practiced and lived the Golden Rule.
It saddened both Rob and I to learn so much about her, after her passing.
Going back to this evening… We sat and ate and got to know another family. We listened… and in that listening I found such hope and inspiration. I sat across from a woman who is completing her doctorate in biological science.
She is a scientist… I’ve never met a scientist. She shared what her research was doing in learning what it is in worms (cells) that know what the different cells do and how her study is hoping to make progress in the study for spinal injuries and their healings. WOW. The Lord nudged me to talk about Collin and Cerebral Palsy. “No Lord, not now”.
Then another gentleman we were sitting across shared about his work, he is a teacher at a catholic school. He is also a related to the groom, and he is a father to three marvelous children. The youngest is adopted and he is keeping a close eye as to genetic heritage vs. family heritage… he spoke of some of the differences he has already seen in behavior and self-esteem issues. Hummm… I felt someone tapping my shoulder… this is somewhat the way the conversation went;
Lord; Diane, share with him about Collin and the difference in a stepparent.
Diane; No Lord, that isn’t what he met.
Lord: I think he would find it interesting.
Diane; No Lord, really, it’s a long story.
Lord; They have the time.
Diane:…noooooooo….
Lord; It might help..
Diane; So, I’d like to share with you about our son…..
...and so Rob and I shared our story. And we told that beautiful young scientist, “Don’t give upon those worms” for you might very well hold a piece to a puzzle that will end someone’s suffering.” The teacher thanked us for sharing the story, and I truly feel he cared and that we made a difference in his life, he made one in ours…
Driving home Rob and I spoke of how if feels like we are ministering more, that it is becoming more apparent that we are being called on to tell our story, and to listen to other’s. To be and help other’s be, to care and to help and to live that Golden Rule. We are blessed to be able to be used by the Lord to unite these wonderful couples. It’s not about giving them religious ceremonies, it’s about showing the spiritual journey they are on, together.
THANK YOU LORD, and help me always to keep listening.
Families!
Did that just bring a smile to your face?
I actually started writing on this topic for this page two months ago.... It was mid-March and Rob said, "Hey Honey, it's time for a new page" Number one, I hadn't realized this was to be a semi-monthly thing. So I gave it some thought and was feeling all warm and fuzzy and pretty good about my family.... Well, enough said right? Does everyone here understand that if ever and when ever your feeling GOOD about your family... the bottom fall's out???
Now, I LOVE my family, every single part of it! I love the family that Rob and I have formed together. The family that I have, the family he has and the blended family we have. I love that through this ministry that God has given to us, we have been accepted as family to those families. I am a part of a group of wonderful, women that I only know from here on the internet, but each and every one of them is a sister to me, and we have formed a family among each of us.
So, when I say family, it usually brings an instant smile to my face, and if I'm truthful, the first face I see is that of my son's. I have only one child. Lord knows, that is Rob and me had gotten together sooner, we would have had a houseful full of children, but the good Lord knew better and had other plans for us. But I was blessed to have one child. Now, as any mother, I could go on and on about how wonderful, special and unique my son is, but why state the obvious?! (I'm giggling here!)
From there I think of Mom, my sis and her family, Rob's Ma, his bro and wife... the other brothers and sisters.... you get the idea.
So, family, is it the one word that can cause YOU to smile? or cry, or laugh or decide to go on vacation if you hear they're coming to your town? BUT... don't you let NO one say nothing bad about your family, right? We'd all be the first to stand up for them! That's right! SO what if they never pick up their shoes it's my wife and she can do whatever she wants, right??
It is a twisted complex relationship that I have learned DOES get better with age. When we all start to overlook the little irritations. When a child isn't embarrassed to give a parent a hug. When a grandmother realizes that cooking an entire Thanksgiving Dinner IS to much for her. When a son lets his dad when a video game. When a teenager helps a toddler not to be afraid to get up on Santa's lap. A son brings home the most beautiful golden flowers picked from a field his mom saw and mentioned it to him... These are all the parts that make family so special to me.
The hurts, sure they come, but why dwell on them. Last month my world was rocked with a call I received. It was a complete egotistical call from someone who was hurting very badly from things that were wrong in their life. They chose to call me and blame me for the pain that was going on in their life. They also tried to hurt someone very close to me. You know that theory about looking out for the Mama Bear? Well let me tell you.... nobody hurts my family. They can try, and they create havoc for a time, but once the TRUTH comes out, the healing begins. I'm glad I got that call. I was horrified at first, hurt, scared, fearful..... but time, honestly, faith, hope and love have made a difference. I have this theory that I will share with you. In this world, where I need a list for the market, when I have trouble knowing if it is Tuesday or Wednesday, why do I want to dwell or keep score on how many times my feelings have been hurt? I mean, is it going to change anything? If someone say's they forgot and they're sorry, accept it and go on. Yes, I'm sure, learn that you are vulnerable in that area, be smart and perhaps don't get your hopes up, but let it go.... that is the best thing you can do for yourself and them. Share your love and your smiles with them. Take the pressure off and watch them bloom before your eyes! It is a truly amazing process!
Happy Family Days to All of Us!
Hugs!
Diane
Diane Figley's Home Page
Greeting's to you, thank you for stopping by to take a peek at this page.
This page will never be finished. What I want to express here is some on my thoughts on how to live well and be happy with what has been given to you.
I first want to write about love, and what I believe it can do. I believe it can change a life. To find a True Love is very hard to do. To be in the right place, at the right moment and be open to such a thing... how in the heck does that happen?
When I met mine I was certainly not prepared nor equipped to deal with it at that time. I shook my head and told myself NO! Not now, I don't want to risk love! I felt I had nothing to offer. I had plans for heaven's sake! I was going to move back to Southern California, try to get a job transfer, and live with my mom! Now here came this wonderful, caring, loving man who cared so deeply and needed me. We truly needed each other for this horrible low period of our life that we were going through. We were both in the middle of leaving lives behind that had sucked out every ounce of dignity we had left. Out lives were in shambles. But out of that rose up the love of my life.
A lot of you know, I met Rob on the internet. We were each members of a Yahoo Club at that time for people going through divorce or break-up type relationships. It was a way to express ourselves and perhaps take comfort that we were not alone. The club was for people in the state of Washington, but most any one in the club from Washington was in Seattle, Tacoma or Spokane, you never met people from SW Washington, all those folks joined Portland area Clubs! But alas, we had both somehow managed to join this same group.
I had left my marriage of fourteen years only the previous month. In that month I had had to move TWICE for security (and stupidity) reasons. I was clearly dealing with more stress than I could handle. I was seeing a therapist once a week and barely keeping it all together to get from one day to the next. My dear sweet boss wasn't sure from one day to the next if he would be allowed in the office, or if he was, if I could make it through a day without becoming a basket case! At that time there were several decisions that I made.
Then I found Rob.
To this day I swear that it was Devine Intervention that led us to be together. Not only in meeting, but in staying and in moving on together.
I want each of the couples that we come in contact with through our wedding ministry and to all of our friends and family who will read this, that there is something so special about finding the one you belong with, that when you find them, you've got to love and trust and care for them as a delicate beautiful butterfly. Treasure your time together and realize that each minute is a gift. Life is to short to not take chances and love as if you've never been hurt. There is nothing that I cannot tell this man. There is no shame or hurt that I have to hide form him, nor is there anything he can't tell me, either.
I guess with this week of Valentine's approaching I just want to shout it from the roof top!
DON'T BE AFRAID TO LOVE!
and
DON'T BE AFRAID TO TELL THOSE PEOPLE YOU LOVE THAT YOU LOVE THEM. TELL THEM AND TELL THEM OFTEN
